COMIC: Simon Cowell Looks Like The Head Of A Drug Cartel #XFactor

I don’t have a DVR anymore so Mike has been posting his favorite X Factor USA clips on my Facebook Wall each week, or of whichever singer he thinks I’d find interesting. Earlier last week was the Judges’ Houses performances so we got to see contestants sing for their life in the poolside backyards of each judges’ gargantuan hillside mansion.

I was especially amused by Simon Cowell’s patio wear. Like jeez, dude, can you be anymore relaxed?

Barefooted. BAREFOOTED!

Look at the glistening sunset reflecting off the pool that's also reflecting off Simon's bare chest.

This is my absolute favorite. Imagine him cackling: "HAHA! Oh, poor people."

When I mentioned it to Mike, he pointed out something very important:

“Sunglasses, deep tan, white linen shirt unbuttoned down to his navel. He looks like he’s the head of a drug cartel.”

HOLY COW, I went, he does! Now I can never unsee it. Honestly, why can’t Simon be real with us? You know if X Factor USA wasn’t marketed as family-friendly television, he’d really be sitting on that couch flanked by sultry vixens while barking orders at the contestants: “Give me talent! Give me sob stories!”

See for yourself what I mean:

Author’s Note: I wasn’t very happy with the first panel I drew. You can check out the first draft below, which was a MUCH better sketch of Simon but as you can see, I messed up on their hands.

Cash monnnneeeyyy.

Please don’t use these illustrations without my permission.

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